Episode 12: How Our “Flat Head Flea” Stories Sabotage Our Higher Calling – Post Pandemic Freedom Show

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Episode 12: Have You Met Fred Yet?

Joshua and Dr.Wayne discuss the story of Sir Fred, how stories kept him stuck, and how they may be keeping *you* stuck, too.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Post Pandemic Freedom Show brought to you by Bold Molders. I’m Dr. Wayne Buckhanan, here with my friend —

Joshua Shafran. Thanks for tuning in.

Yeah! Today we’re continuing that conversation about Fred. And as jokingly I, you know, when we’re talking about the success seesaw I say something about Fred’s that sixth grade bully that shows up when you’re in fourth grade on the teeter totter. But this is not really what Fred is, that’s just me making one more link in that context. And I hear that we —

It works really well. Because that’s exactly what’s going on. Like, you know, you think that you can just walk across that seesaw and have it tip where we want to go. And you could if it wasn’t for Fred, and Fred is the analogy for our unconscious conditioned behavior patterns are thoughts what we believe to be true, basically, our past, and everything that adds up to it. So that’s, that’s the sum total of Fred but there’s an interview that I did that explains it all. And probably the best thing to do is just queue up the interview. And then we can come back and give you some more of a deeper dive if necessary.

Sounds good. Let’s go to the ball.

You know, it’s funny, we have Fred, the flat headed flee to blame for being here today. Now, I know that sounds crazy. But Fred, and you can call him Sir Fred, if you’d like. That’s his formal name. He didn’t always have a flathead, let me let me tell you how he came to have this flathead, he was walking down the street, minding his own business, having a good old time, he had a good life, normal, you know, everyday things. And all of a sudden, fate stepped out of nowhere, and grabbed him, plucked him up off the street, and put them into this mason jar with a lid on it. And so Fred, like many of us, most of us, does not like being trapped, does not like being controlled. So feeling stuck. What does he do? He tries to get out, right? So he can’t push the jar over. He can’t, you know, he can’t wrestle it down. So a fleet can jump, though, jump really high, really strong. And he was like the best jumper in his class, you know? So he starts jumping, and what does he do? Well, he smacks into the lid. And it hurts, right? But he doesn’t care, because he’s getting out of there, you know, he’s determined and all the things that his coaches told him and, you know, jumping classes and, and everything that his dad taught him about, you know, winners never quit, and quitters never win. And all of that conditioning, all of that programming took over. And so what does he do? He jumps even harder. And he bangs his head into the, the, the lid of the jar. And of course, that’s how he got his flathead. But that’s not the whole story. Because what ended up happening is that he continued to I mean, the fact that he flattened his head, and hurt himself, and caused himself pain. And he conditioned himself and he got that flathead, did that change the fact that he still wanted to get out of the jar? No, he still wanted freedom, that didn’t change anything. But he still felt stuck, he still felt trapped in that jar. Because he was right. And he had that limitation, the lid on the jar. So what does he do? Well, he teaches himself how to continue to try to get out of the jar, but not feel the pain anymore. So for him, that means he only jumped as high as the lid. He’s capable, because he’s the best jumping around jumping, you know, much higher than where the lid is. But he’s jumping, he trained himself, he conditioned himself to only jump just high enough to get to the lid, so that he could still feel good about doing something. And you know, trying to have a modicum of control over his life, you know, to try to still jumping for freedom because he still wants to get out. So he continues to try he continues to work at it works really hard at it. But he’s only jumping as high as the lid. Fate steps and again, takes the lid of the jar off. And so Fred goes, Oh, this is my chance, right? I’m gonna jump right out of here because I’m perfectly capable. Right? So we go. I’m out of here. See you later. I’m out. Unfortunately, no. See, because again, he’s conditioned himself because of that pain, to believe that the lids still there. So to him jumping any higher than the lid is equals pain, because that’s what gave him the Flathead. So he will continue to jump and jump and jump and jump, being perfectly capable having no limits on him anymore, being perfectly capable of escape, perfectly capable of getting out of that jar. He stays stuck unfortunately, in that jar, but it’s a limitation that of his own making. It’s it’s a it’s a jail, if you will, a prison of his own making, because of the fact that he conditioned himself to avoid that pain and He doesn’t challenge it. But now here’s an interesting thing that’s happened to him is that the reason he’s he’s gonna die in there, unless somebody comes along and tips, the jar over fate steps in and takes them out of there again, or something happens beyond outside of his control, he’s going to die in there. Because he’s believes now that his reality is he’s trapped. He’s accepted that reality, he’s accepted, that he’s now trapped, and he’s gonna continue to jump because he can’t sell out on himself, right? He can’t feel like giving up. But he’s only jumping as high as that lid once was, and he’s burning himself out, he’s never going to be able to get out of there. Unless he does something about that conditioning. Now, you say, Well, I’m not Fred, you know, you’re not Fred. Or are we, because we all have these flat headed fleece stories, meaning that we conditioned ourselves to believe things that may or may not be true anymore. So based upon the reality of the great unwashed reality of the entire world, right? And that’s unknowable to us as a whole, right? We select based on our experiences a small subset of that, to, you know, tap into, and then we give our attention to a little bitty bitty piece of that, that we focus on. And that becomes what we condition ourselves to believe, is our reality or is true. You know, what’s strange is that Fred didn’t know that he conditioned himself didn’t know that this limitation was there didn’t didn’t realize that he did it. But it still didn’t change the fact that he’s limiting himself. And so for him, that is his reality, right? That is what he believes is the what’s possible, what’s impossible. The way it is the way life is, is the way that he conditioned himself to believe it. So these Fred stories, as I call them, they get conditioned in us at very early ages, right? And we just like Fred, we have no idea that they’re even going on, they become unconscious. At one point, it was very conscious, but it got conditioned into us. And it happened. And so now we don’t even see it anymore, even though it’s there. So it becomes part of like a computer operating system, if you will, our base operating system, where it’s who we are, it’s part of our identity. Right? So let me give you an example of one of my early Fred stories. So that is the story of Fred the flat headed flee and how we all have these Fred stories that we don’t know are actually stories that we came to believe is our reality that is iron clad what we see is it’s absolute. And so there’s no questioning it anymore. Wayne, what’s some thoughts that I know you have?

Yeah, I don’t know that. I’ve seen that video before. And it’s just funny to me going. I we talked about Fred stories, and I forgot that Fred was the flea I just gone like, we’ve been doing this for so long that I’m now just working with Fred stories. And not Oh, Fred is the flee. Yeah, that’s right.

So that’s it, sir. Fred, the flat headed flee.

Yes. So that that was fun, just realized, oh, that had gotten conditioned away. Hello, Fred. And the other thing that jumped out at me this go around was realizing that, you know, coming from the NLP side, one of the things that we we work with, you know, I’m sure you’ve heard this whole thing about the definition of insanity. And you’re doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Great. We can go on unpack that and all the edge cases and where it doesn’t doesn’t apply. But the piece there that’s interesting to me is thinking through one of the things is just, hey, that thing that you’re doing right now that’s not serving you. Guess what it did serve you at some point, it was useful. It just may not be in this context, or in this timeframe. Right. It may have been great for you five years ago, but doing it now. Maybe not so much.

Yeah. And but you’re now assuming that people know that it was something that’s not serving them. Because it gets the problem that we run into is that when we drive this so deep into our unconscious, conditioned, you know our behavior patterns, we no longer see it. So just like Fred is jumping, it becomes part of who he is and he can’t sell out on himself because that would be quitting that would be giving up. You know, he would be a loser if he stops you Jumping, yet, he’s never gone. Even though he’s again, he’s perfectly capable of jumping past the lid and jumping right out, because that’s actually how he got his flat head. The reality is that he doesn’t see that that’s that he made the choice to not jump so high. So it’s become invisible to him, even though it’s not anything to do with reality, whether it served him or not, or is serving him or not in this moment, until he decides to make the unconscious conscious, and see the truth of it or dare to look at it and say, Well, wait a minute. And for a lot of us in the beginning it because it can become because it does become a part of who we believe we are the stories that are running us that to dare to look at them and wonder what we’d be if it wasn’t true, if who would be without them feels as though it equals death, literally, like, we will die if we are not this person anymore, because it’s so messes with our identity of who we believe we are. And, you know, I’m not talking about from a metaphysical standpoint, and all of that I’m just talking about from a reality standpoint, like we get so attached to it looking a certain way. And there’s a lot of useful things with this particular metaphor and approach to say, Well, wait a minute, what if, like, there’s everything that I have to be so that I’m so doggedly determined that this is true? What if it wasn’t what if I have it? And it’s just a story that I’ve been telling myself? What if, and then be able to look at things from that perspective, now, you have freedom, now you have the ability to expand, now you have the ability to do what you’re saying and say, Well, wait a minute, is this serving me anymore? And is this really true? Or is it something that I made up as a limitation, because, as we’ve talked about in previous episodes, all thoughts, all beliefs are limiting beliefs, whether they serve us or not, there is a you know, it’s a finite thought, it’s a finite belief is what it is, there’s a beginning and an end to it. And in reality, it may be serving us, and it may be serving us at certain points in time, like, Hey, don’t put your hand in the fire and burn yourself. Okay, that’s good advice. But it also may be like, you know, working against us, and it’s never absolute one way or the other. So, you know, just to be able to recognize when is a story, and it’s the story that I’m making up about it, that’s causing me to feel a certain way. Because my reactions to my reactions that are based upon how we’ve defined it. So those are the things that I think are really useful to as takeaways from this. And, you know, I think that you go there, so naturally, as do I, in terms of being able to coach yourself, but you’ve been doing this through your own means through the NLP side, through your own personal work and dedication, for so long, that you’ve lost sight of the fact that you make the unconscious conscious, unconsciously. You know what I mean? The irony, right, right, it’s becomes a part that’s a part of your operating system to coach yourself. And all I’m saying is that as we get used to this, if you haven’t ever done this before, it can serve you to just recognize that wait a minute, let me stop for a second. How do I have this? And is this really true? You know, is this true?

So what’s the step that folks at home can do right now, today to put this in action?

Well, obviously, well, maybe not obviously. But obviously, from my perspective, it’s to start to think about, well, where is this been me? Where have I been Fred? And take away the identity piece, if you can just suspend that and say, you know, whatever, again, put on your white lab coat. And your scientists mind and bring out that clipboard and just look at the situation and think about like, alright, so I am having a really strong reaction. So pick any topic, you know, I mean, if you’re picking the same topic, and you’re working towards it in terms of post pandemic freedom, whatever that is, or if it’s brand new, and just like how do I have this? And what’s absolute unbendable? In where is the cap on my jar? You know, what is keeping me in there? And is it something that am I able to see that it’s something that I’m putting on myself, or does it appear as though it’s a circumstance or an Outside situation? And how does that look from from that perspective? Because the more that you start to recognize it and be daring enough to put yourself in the Fred story shoes and not have it be mean anything like other than, yeah, I did that. Okay, cool. Like it only has meaning it only makes it only says something about me as a person if I allow it to define me. And I’m in charge of that whether I believe that in this present moment, consciously or not, I’m in charge of, I’m just going to take it for Josh’s advice at at face value for right now and say, Alright, I don’t really believe this, but I believe but but I believe in what Josh is saying. So I’m making this up. I’m saying that this is true for me. Okay. So now, isn’t that interesting that I made up that story? Alright, great. It doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And I really like the idea of using those emotions to say, hey, strong emotions mean, I’m probably headed in the right direction for this task. Not that you get caught up in the emotion, but just notice Oh, hey, something’s coming up. I’m probably poking in the right area.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, and remember back to the seesaw in the previous episodes, and, and the emotional intensity on both sides. So if it’s really intense on the positive side, or really intense on the fear based emotions, then you know that the more intensity there are up there, there’s, it’s not the situation, it’s not what’s going on, that’s making me feel this certain way. You’re not a puppet on a string, you’re not being controlled by the situation, by the circumstances, you have supreme power and choice, to be able to choose your response to actually respond to the situation. The problem is, and we will be going much deeper into this stuff in future episodes. The problem is that we’ve made automatic reactions, we’re not responding to the situation, we’re reacting to it. And we don’t see that we’re reacting to it. Why don’t we see it because of our friends stories, because of the unconscious conditioning that has made us it’s invisible. So it is making us right now respond a certain way, or react a certain way. And we have lost the ability to choose? Because it’s just automatic, you know, where did that cat where somebody steps on our tail right now, you know, we freak out. Whereas when, when I’m not talking about physical harm, where you where you have an automatic pain reaction, or whatever like that I’m talking about where you feel a certain way about a situation. And that, that is defining you as a person or you think it’s defining you as a person. Really, what’s going on is that that’s a script that you wrote, that’s a story that you wrote, that is playing now automatically, but because it is playing automatically, you no longer see it as a script or a story, that you’ve been conditioned to respond in that way. And now you don’t, you don’t have a choice, because you’re automatically reacting. The more that you work with the tools that we’re giving you, the more that you’ll be able to have that space between what the situation is, and then making a conscious decision, whether it’s in in memory, or right now in the moment, how you choose to respond, regardless of the way that that’s been in the past. And that is what I would recommend.

Yeah. And I’m hearing echoes of the emails that we wrote, where’s the folks can get those?

Yeah, it’s, well, if they go over to bold molders.com, and click on the academy link, there’s a three part article series that leads to a free email training series that breaks all of this down into bite sized chunks and it goes much, much deeper on Fred much, much deeper on all of this, and does it in a way that is got some time spaced repetition in between for you. So that would be my recommendation in terms of what to do there.

Sounds good. Anything else before we close for the day?

No, I think that’s some. That’s enough to really dig into. And of course, we’ll be we’ll be diving deeper into all of this in the future.

All right. Well, then, on that note, on that note,