Help ‘Em Enjoy Your Honey Without Getting Stung—Again (Tutorial #5 in the Creating Oprah-Like Influence training)
Hey now!
After today’s 5th course in our 9 course meal, we’re past the halfway point on your way to gathering gravity for your Oprah-like influence.
As always, remember, this tutorial is part of a series so if you don’t start with the first one and work successively up in order, it ain’t gonna make sense.
Know what I mean, butter bean?
Coolio.
Oh, yeah, and for those of you keep’n score, you can access Part 1 HERE… and Part 2 is HERE… and Part 3 you’ll find HERE… and you can click HERE for Part 4…
Which brings us to…
LEVEL 3
The Fear Based,
“You’re On Probation”
Mental Conversation
(aka, the “Please Don’t Hurt Me If I Risk
Letting You In” inner narrative)
Even though this is still a fear based mindset, this level is the beginning of a greased shoot they are about to have a blast sliding down.
Meaning, if you successfully lead them to (and through) this inner narrative, it takes them (and by extension, you) out of fear-based conditioning. And sets in motion a positive influence momentum forward. Which will gather gravity at an increasing rate through the remaining levels of your influence process that only stops if you throw barriers in the way.
See, when someone puts you on probation it means they’re giving you a chance, does it not?
You’ve got the tiny mental opening that creates interest in checking you out deeper. This mindset naturally ignites a curiosity that pulls them deeper into you and your story. And…
…curiosity marks the beginning of it being their idea to follow you.
Even though it’s usually only a matter of a few minutes to get to this mindset, a lot has taken place mentally with them.
Let’s return to our Dog Whisperer example for a second. Dogs (and people) instinctually get a “feel” for outsiders based on who we ARE (not who you try or pretend to be in that moment). They read and immediately mirror your inner mood and mindset towards them back to you. If you’re uptight, nervous, or unsure they know it. They only feel at ease with us when we really are calm, confident, and relaxed with them.
Don’t you know someone who can change the entire mood of everyone in a room without saying a word?
Anyway, a person (or dog) comes to you only if they’re allowed to get comfortable enough to lower their guard. Their reaction to you will either be fear-based or curiosity-based, depending on their comfort with you.
A dog accepts you into its space without friction only after you pass its sniff test…
…and that sniff test only happens if they’re interested enough to investigate you.
A dog’s probationary period is the sense they get from you during that initial once over investigation. That’s how they decide if they’re going to welcome you, challenge you, or run away in fear of you.
Let them satisfy their natural curiosity without triggering fear and your probation ends quickly. They aren’t ready to be your best friend and they certainly won’t respect or submit to your leadership yet, but they’ll let you join the pack without incident.
On the other hand, if you jump the gun and try to pet, play, or love on ‘em before they’re interested enough let you make a first impression and they’ll feel threatened (which is why a dog growls, snarls, shows its teeth or snaps if rushed).
It’s the same for humans when we replace a level 2 mindset with this “You’re On Probation” mental conversation.
Without sensing any immediate danger, their curiosity gets the better of them and makes ‘em come to you. Probation is still a fear driven mentality so your primary job is to make sure you don’t throw up any red flags that adds fuel to their fear fires.
The difference at this level is that because you’re on probation, they’ll let you help in dissolving their fear-based inner narratives.
See, for the first time their filters let tiny bits of your message in. They want to satisfy their curiosity enough to decide if they’re truly interested or not.
Yes, it’s still a ways away from trust.
And yet, they’ll start to explore the potential opportunities and threats they associate with letting you deeper into their minds. Now they finally start to “hear” you, whereas at levels 1 & 2 when they couldn’t hear anything but their own inner chatter.
Still extremely guarded and iffy about you, they’ll be thinking,
“Okay, you’ve got one foot in the door, and the other’s on a banana peel. You’ve got my attention and are starting to capture my curiosity, which I don’t like at all because if you break through my walls I might start to trust you. I’ve got to cover my ass because I can’t risk being hurt again. The first sign of trouble and it’s back to jail you go!”
The most powerful (and influential) part of this mental conversation from your point of view is that it includes a “What-If?” element. This is where they start to dream a bit. As their interest grows they wonder what would it be like if whatever you’re sharing with them will actually help them.
You’ll want to be sensitive to what they’ll be mentally wrestling with, like,
“I know it probably won’t be as good as it’s starting to look, but what if this time it really is true? I don’t want to risk missing out on something that could really, really help me.”
Notice the fear of loss theme the narrative has taken on?
And you can use that knowledge in leading them through the rest of the process. It’s a powerful motivation tool. People will often act more because they fear being left behind. They don’t want to miss out on the good stuff.
At this third level, this mentality takes root naturally (and takes very little from you to kick it into high gear).
Since they’re automatically starting this fear of loss conversation here, you might as well use it to help them reap the value awaiting them when they ascend to the upper levels of your vision for their bigger future.
(BTW, it’s an influence scale from your prospective… and it’s a value scale from theirs. Which means they reward you with more and more influence in direct proportion to the VALUE you give them at each stage).
Besides being aware of, and sparking new “what-if” aspects to their mentality, you can help people dissolve this conversation (and automatically replace it with level 4) by not being emotionally involved.
In other words, if you can remove yourself from caring one way or the other if they see the light or not (or how fast), they won’t feel negative pressure.
When you aren’t attached to the outcome it fuels their fear of loss even more because they sense your confidence. Which builds even greater interest and curiosity because people want what they can’t have.
Your attitude, without being arrogant or stating it directly, should come across to them like,
“hey, I know I got the goods. There’s no need for hype or stretching the truth with unbelievable promises because what this *is* real. If you get to see what I see, you’ll know it too. And I can guide you so you can see it too…
“I’m happy to show you the facts so you can make a sound decision if this is right for you or not. Because the last thing I want is you to feel manipulated or mislead. I only want to work with people who are a good match for me. If the ideas I have to share with you make sense, and you see the value in them then I’m happy to explore deeper possibilities with you.
If not, that’s okay too.”
See, the tone?
Get a feel for the confidence that comes from standing there. A strong —yet calm, silent— confidence is very attractive, isn’t it?
Just one more thing before we move on to the next level.
The more emotionally charged any fear is, the fiercer the fire burns. So while the fear-based conversations of the first 3 levels can sometimes provoke strong reactions in people, remember the more intensely they react, the faster it burns itself out.
That’s why, although it might seem like a lot of work (or feels like it takes forever) to reach the trust based conversations, you can move at lightening speeds through them if you don’t add any more fears to their fires.
It’s a fast burn that you can direct and control.
Plus, something that’s often overlooked is one of the biggest value-building things you can do for someone is to give them relief, and…
…free them from their fears.
After all, who likes the feeling of being controlled by fear?
***
Stay tuned… Part 6 coming atcha soon.
Series Table Of Contents
~ Access Part 1 HERE;
~ Access Part 2 HERE;
~ Access Part 3 HERE;
~ Access Part 4 HERE;
~ Access Part 5 ABOVE;
~ Access Part 6 HERE;