How to Leverage the Power of Unexpected Awesomeness (Tutorial #8 in the Creating Oprah-Like Influence training)

Welcome back,

Can you believe we’re already up to the 8th of our 9-part gathering gravity series on the how-tos of creating your own Oprah Effect?

You might even say (wait for it, wait for it 😀 )…

…our gathering gravity series has gathered gravity.

Yeah, I know, it needs work.

Anyhoozles—

Housekeeping: The tutorial below is part of a series that starts with Episode #1 as its foundation, with each successive part standing on the shoulders of the previous.

Speaking of the order of things… Here’s the running tally so far: You can access Part 1 HERE… and Part 2 is HERE… and Part 3 you’ll find HERE… and you can click HERE for Part 4… and Part 5 is waiting for you HERE… and, of course Part 6 is HERE… which means you can get Part 7 HERE, yes?

Betcha know what I’mma gonna say about the 8th part?

Exactly…

LEVEL 6
The Influence Based,
“You’re A Leader”
Mental Conversation

What’s better than having people think of you as authority?

Having them trust and respect your leadership vision, that’s what.

After you go on your first date together, if you want it to be more than a one-night-stand (which you do), you have to get it to stick.

Every “sale” is fragile. Altho, none are as fragile as your first. The instant someone mentally decides to do business with you, your job switches from desire building to fulfillment.

And, by fulfillment I don’t just mean delivery of your promises. You need to make sure they are fulfilled personally. If you want to build your own lucrative Oprah-like movement that “goes viral” with tons of referrals, you’ve got to fulfill their expectations of value.

It’s vital they come away from the first “buying” experience feeling so positive, they will mentally pat themselves on the back for their wise decision to get onboard your train.

How?

The same way we discussed at the end of level 5. They will elevate you to great leader status if you consistently refuse to ever do anything that betrays the trust and respect they have for you.

More “WOW!” And Less “YUCK!”
Expectations Management

Now, it’s all about how you create and manage their expectations.

See, if your audiences expects you to give them the proverbial, “goose that lays golden eggs,” and, instead, you only give them 10 gold eggs, what happens?

They feel tricked, get angry and are disappointed in you (even if you only charged them $100 for the 10 gold eggs worth $10,000.00).

On the other hand…

…if you promised 1 gold egg but give them 10 for the same $100 bucks, now you wow ‘em beyond their wildest expectations.

Notice, either way they still wind up with the same 10 gold eggs at the same price. Nothing changes for you, and yet…

Everything changes for them.

One way confirms their worst fears and makes ‘em feel like they pretty much just got doinked with their pants on.

Unfulfilled expectations almost always feel like outright lies (no matter your intent). Even if they keep the eggs, they will relive the perceived betrayal on a never-ending loop in their minds. And, each time the recording plays, guess what happens?

You got it.

They feel like a bigger and bigger sucker. Soon they hate you because the goose they expected, makes the 10 gold eggs look like a booger.

The other way, you become their hero. You know what happens if you surprise ‘em with 10x the value expected?

They love you long time, that’s what.

Because a completely different mental recording plays under these conditions, does it not? Each time they relive that experience, they love you more. Because each playback reinforces how smart, shrewd, and wise they were for their decision to follow your advice.

Plus, it creates a mental debt of gratitude that obligates them to reciprocate to you with loyalty!

Obvious, right?

Well, apparently not. Because too many people destroy their credibility (and kill all their success momentum) right here!

So, don’t over promise and/or under deliver. Try to always daze and amaze your first time customers with 5-10 times the value they’re expecting.

You have to care more about the value they get, than what you get.

The extra love and respect you give them, they will come back to you 10 fold (or much more if you handle the two remaining levels of their mental conversations properly). You can’t out-give them because the more unexpected value you give, the bigger is the obligation to pay you back with loyalty, future “sales,” and referrals.

Build a legacy of integrity with your followers by living your word as if your life depends on it (because your success does).

Using Unpredictability To YOUR Advantage
(Or It Uses YOU)

Life is unpredictable. So is business.

The point is, as awesome as your intentions are, mistakes are inevitable. You will screw up. Things will happen beyond your control. You will have to clean up other people’s messes because otherwise it will affect your relationship with your followers if you don’t.

That’s the reality… the facts of the life… all leaders shoulder.

That’s why you never run away from a sticky situation. You can spin every mistake, problem, and mishap into a major bonding opportunity. It allows you to demonstrate with action (not lip service) your love, respect, and caring for your tribe.

Leaders know every sticky situation is a gift.

It carries the opportunity to increase the trust, respect, and influence far beyond what it was before.

How to turn the tables on sticky situations:

1. Acknowledge it. Don’t harp on it. However, you do need to acknowledge it happened or else resentment builds and starts a brand new mental conversation about you.
   
   Amateurs mistakenly think if they ignore the situation it will go away faster (or that it’s weak to admit the situation happened). And, yet, the reality is, it DID happen. You know it. They know it. Ignoring it makes you look, at best, out of touch and unfit to lead (and, at worst, you look like a manipulative asshole who tells bold face lies and doesn’t give a shit about people depending on them).
   
   Yeah, I know, that’s not really the case, but the point is, those are the kind of stories people automatically make up about you if you don’t give them another story to tell. In the immortal words of Mark Twain, “A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.”
   
   All of us want to feel appreciated, valued, and a VIP. Your acknowledgement is vital because it makes them feel like they matter.
   
   It’s how they validate their importance to you. It’s a show of respect. How many people do you know who like being disrespected? It’s the signal they need from you that lets them know you really do understand how the situation made them feel (and impacted ‘em).
   
   Refusing to acknowledge compounds the problem because people don’t consciously separate the situation from how they feel about it. It makes them feel you are intentionally making them wrong.
   
   Feelings, however, are never wrong because how we feel, *is* how we feel.
   
   Want a 100% guarantee that someone will dig their heals in, become irrational, and fight you with everything they got? Then “tell” ‘em what they’re feeling is wrong (and, by the way, that’s exactly what you’re telling ‘em by not acknowledging the situation). This forces them to prove to themselves (and the world) that they’re justified for feeling the way they do.
   
   So really it’s not the situation itself you’re acknowledging, it’s their feelings about the situation.
   
   Often times, acknowledgement is all it takes to remove the sting and resolve the situation instantly. Because if people feel heard without being made wrong for their feelings, there’s nothing left for them to fight against.
   
   
   
2. Address it. You don’t necessarily have to apologize for it (although, I would, because that’s the fastest way to help them dissolve any lingering negative feelings… and besides what does an apology cost you anyway?).
   
   Explain what created the sticky situation without defending or justifying it. Just give ‘em the facts without your personal feelings about it (except any feelings and concerns you have about letting them down). Let them know the truth and set the record straight without getting caught up in the blame game.
   
   Be calm. Be like bamboo that bends in the wind instead of the oak that gets uprooted. Meet criticism with understanding. You don’t have to agree with how they feel but you must allow them the freedom to feel as they do without making them wrong for it.
   
   
   
3. Right it. If there’s something you can do to make up for it, do it. And do it swiftly. If there’s nothing you can do, show them the steps you have taken (are taking, or will take) so it won’t happen again.
   
   Accept responsibility, not blame.
   
   Blame is about pointing fingers but it doesn’t solve anything because it fixates everyone on the problem. Responsibility is about how you respond and therefore focuses on the solution (our response to the problem not who’s at fault for creating it in the first place).
   
   Remember, any kind of blame (even if you feel “it’s your fault”) is counterproductive because you can’t see the solutions when your attention is on the problem. You can’t run forward while you’re looking behind.

Want to see an awesome case study of just how powerful these 3 simple steps can be?

Well, here’s how a very sticky situation was transformed into profitable loyalty. Check out this press conference and watch a real life demonstration of a master of influence applying the process:

It kicks ass. Just eff’ing brilliant.

You get to see the late, great Steve Jobs in action. Watch how masterfully he handled the so-called, “Antenna Gate” scandal when launching the iPhone 4 back in the day.

Even if you aren’t facing any sticky situations at the moment, you should give yourself the gift of watching it now. This press-conference is a goldmine of insights you can directly apply in gathering the gravity to attract the bigger future you want, and, frankly, that you deserve.

Pay special attention to the first bullet point on Steve’s slides. See if he doesn’t follow along the 3 steps I outlined above. Also, consider how much of a deep connection the guy in the music video had to feel towards Apple to stand up for, and defend the club he is a proud member of: Apple Zealots. It’s astounding when you think about the movement that has evolved.

Talk about influence.

Oh, one more thing you should observe: Notice how Steve calls everyone’s attention to the fact he didn’t produce the video… that they saw it on YouTube and couldn’t resist sharing it. Besides wanting the 3rd party story, why do you think he gave public recognition to the Apple fan boy how took it upon himself to create the video?

Onward.

Helping THEM Win THEIR Mental Tug Of War

When people replace a level 5 mental program with this one, the mental tug of war they were struggling with begins to dissolve.

Every positive experience you engineer that makes them feel fulfilled creates more value in their minds. The frequency of these experiences makes a bigger impact than their sizes.

Several seemingly tiny experiences in a row will do more to wash out the nasty taste of their old experiences. One grand gesture temporarily covers up the nastiness but is quickly forgotten. Whereas, a series of small experiences that slightly exceeds expectations eventually replaces the bad taste of their negative memories altogether.

See, at this stage not only do they desperately want the relief that comes from powerful leadership, now they are also starting to believe you’re qualified to give it to them.

When they first enter this new inner narrative about you, understand that their belief in you as a leader will be weak. Their past negative experiences are still winning their mental tug of war. If you want them to win, it’s your job at this stage to weaken those old memories by giving ‘em a consistently consistent stream of “wows!” to focus on.

No, “consistently consistent” isn’t a typo.

Consistent repetition of positive experiences (i.e., mental conditioning) grows their belief in your leadership stronger and stronger.

Consistently consistent conditioning (that’s a mouthful;-) takes the wire strands of trust, respect, and authority that they’ve credited to you, and forms them into a steel cable of leadership strong enough to tow a super tanker through rough seas.

It’s all that’s needed to lay the foundation for the kind of unchallenged and unquestioned belief in you, your ideas, and your guidance to live the bigger future you see for, and shared with, them.

Creating & Molding Your Own Oprah Effect

Level 6 is the first time you’ll taste of the power automatic compliance holds.

Once people start to trust and respect your leadership, with repeated conditioning (and no betrayals without the applying the rules for spinning sticky situations we just discussed), you lay the foundation for a fan-type relationship to develop. At this stage, your followers are starting to look to you for solid guidance because they trust your leadership.

With every positively managed (and fulfilling) experience you lead them through —no matter how small— their negative memories of the things that didn’t go their way, looses more and more of its control over ‘em.

Because, as we’ve covered several times, a belief is just a thought we think over and over again, until we believe it to be true. A passing thought becomes a habitual pattern of thought by simply thinking it again and again. And, when you reinforce that habitual thought by thinking it enough times, it forms into a belief. Core beliefs form from regular beliefs the same way.

That’s the way all belief systems are formed.

Yes, yours, mine, and everyone else’s too.

And our belief systems are the basis for what we automatically comply with and automatically accept as gospel without conscious consideration. Because when something (or someone) aligns with our core beliefs, we don’t question or challenge it, we simply comply with it because we “know” it to be true, don’t we?

If we believe something to be true, then it is, and…

If we believe something to be a lie, then it is.

That’s why the exact same thing is a rock-solid “fact” to one person and demonic to another. Both are “true” only because the person thinking them believe they are.

The thing to recognize is, the process EVERYONE creates their beliefs with is simply repetitive mental conditioning. And, this conditioning almost never takes place consciously. We know that we believe our “truths” — yet almost nobody knows why (or how).

Familiarity based on repetition. That’s how.

Careful Or You’ll Unknowingly Cook Your Own Goose

It’s all too common for would-be great leaders to royally screw themselves over at this stage by changing the tone, direction, and transparency of the “voice” that created the bonded relationship with their followers.

See, not only do you have to stay consistent with your messages, but also the context (your “voice”) by which you communicate can’t change.

You’ve created a persona in your audiences’ minds. That’s how they’ve come to know and trust you. If you all of sudden show up or sound completely different than what they’re use to, they will start to assume you are trying to manipulate them (even if it’s unintentional).

If they are going to trust your leadership, they need you to look, sound, taste, smell, and feel the same consistent “come-from” that they’ve come to know. They have a mental picture of who they’ve decided you are. You must continue to talk to them in that voice, as the same person they “know” you to be.

So, managing expectations extends to your voice as well as the consistency of your message.

Ongoing reinforcement of both gives you the first taste of the power automatic compliance holds. Careful, it’s addictive (for you and them😉

You’ve found the doorway to the 7th level mental conversations (the luxury penthouse of influence): Where people show you the kind of loyalty, awe, and reverence that makes them want to take a bullet for you. (Remember from the video above, the Apple fan boy who defended his tribe?)

Rock Stars Only Hang With Other Rock Stars

As they start to mentally elevate you to rock star status, they also start to reinforce just how special and cool it is to be a member of your entourage.

The higher they mentally regard you, the more exclusive, elite, and treasured their VIP status is to them. They talk themselves into valuing the association with you personally more and more (why do you think celebrities are paid a fortune for their endorsements or to even just appear without saying a word?).

And, as soon as they place a high value on being a part of your inner circle, they also don’t want to be kicked out. There’s an unspoken (and often completely unconscious) feeling that now starts to control their mindset here,

“I don’t want to lose my VIP status. I like being on ‘the list.’ I need to stay in good standing.”

NOW they know how special you really are because they’ve experienced it first hand.

Now they know how exclusive your club is.

Now they know you don’t hang out with just anyone.

Now they know how important your time is.

They “know” all this only because of the mental journey you’ve guided ‘em to, and through.

Keep their inner knowing gathering gravity, and you eventually graduate to the highest mental “My God & Savior” level of…

…the penthouse of influence…

Stay tuned for the 9th installment,
and series finale…

Series Table Of Contents

~ Access Part 1 HERE;
~ Access Part 2 HERE;
~ Access Part 3 HERE;
~ Access Part 4 HERE;
~ Access Part 5 HERE;
~ Access Part 6 HERE;
~ Access Part 7 HERE;
~ Access Part 8 ABOVE;
~ Access Part 9 HERE.