Letting Go of Being “Right”?

No one ever “wins” an argument…

Think about that.

In any argument —regardless who’s arguing or what the subject is— there’s never a winner. Period.

You don’t agree?

Allow me to explain. Anytime you go head-to-head and aggressively (or even softly) try to convince someone they’re wrong, it’s been my experience that both sides always loose.

Because even if the other person says, “you’re right,” it’s usually only because they just want to shut you up.

They said “OK” to end it.

However, they walk away from the conversation feeling they are still right and you are definitely wrong, regardless of conceding. It’s almost a requirement because otherwise it hurts their self-image too much if they don’t at least mentally defend their position.

This triggers the, “arguing to be right,” insanity to kick into high gear. Which is very hard to overcome because now they’re irrationally defending their position to the death (no matter how crazy it gets).

Have you ever experienced this from either side? Has there ever been a time when you’ve been arguing with someone and said to yourself “screw it, this just ain’t worth my energy and aggravation to continue arguing about this. I’m just going to shut up now.” I bet the other person thought “Aha!, I won.” Yet, actually, they didn’t win, did they?

Why?

You shut down to anything they said from that point forward because you stop listening, is that not the case?

And more importantly, you probably thought something like,

“Wow, this idiot is delusional. He can’t be saved from his own stupidity. I’ll just nod until he takes the hint and goes away.”

They’ve lost you, haven’t they?

So, no matter how well meaning the other person’s message may be, you’re over it (and them).

It’s like Charlie Brown’s parents: They talk but all YOU hear is, “Wah-Wa-Waaa-Wa-Wah!” – right?

It fosters a dislike (and even distain) for them if they don’t let it go. And, at the same time, don’t they think they’ve “won” by proving you wrong?

However, in reality, neither side wins because the opportunity for a bigger future of possibility ends when we dig our heals in to be right (and prove someone else wrong).