Episode 3: Your Journey to Manifesting Bold Molder Goals – Post Pandemic Freedom Show

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Episode 3: The good news is that the 3 hidden overachiever blind spots are not permanent – unless we let them be! We continue our journey with the big action you can take today to move you closer to your bigger and better goals.

Joshua and Dr.Wayne recap the big three blind spots between us and our goals then dig deeper into what we can do about clearing the blind spots. We’ll look at the past in a specific way that keeps us from getting stuck there and we’ll look at the future in a way that sets us up to succeed.

Make sure you pick up your copy of the Post Pandemic Playbook by clicking here.

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2. Download the new Post Pandemic Playbook

Need a fresh start (or a quick reset) to get back on course? Download our free Post Pandemic Playbook and discover how you can make the meaningful impact you’re meant to (without sacrificing your vision, values or integrity) — https://PostPandemicAbundance.com

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4. Join our Bold Molders’ Academy and be a Case Study

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5. Work with us One-on-One

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Transcript

Welcome to the post pandemic freedom show brought to you by Bold Molders. I’m Dr. Wayne Buckhanan. And this is:

Joshua Shafran.

Today, we’re continuing our conversation about three blind spots. Last time, we did a very high level overview. And I know that there are people who are going to do better with the visual that I know that you’ve got developed as I can see parts of it sneaking from behind you there.

Oh, on my board. Yeah.

So let’s dive in and let you walk them through the visual that goes with these three blind spots. Okay, and I know we can build on that. But let’s, let’s keep it nice and tight on that visual and see where we end up.

All right, so we’re talking about just to recap, we’re talking about the journey to unleash your inner bold molder sort of speak, so that you can live a life of post pandemic, freedom on your terms, whatever that means to you and make the kind of impact you want to make. Well, it’s about igniting that inner bold motor. And in order to do that, of course, well, we’ve got to make the unconscious conscious, so that it’s not continuing to direct our lives.

And we talked about at a high level, the three blind spots, so let’s kind of draw out that. That diagram that I have behind me that you can kind of see on there. So when we start, —

Can I test — oh, that’s not where I was gonna start ooo I was going to start with the first blind spot, which I think if I remember correctly, is the goals that we were going to have these goals in mind. Ooh. So

you want to start

I’m really trying to get these three in my head. So the first one is where I am currently aimed at? What’s my current goal that I’ve got set.

What I’m trying to accomplish.

There we go.

Right.

Thank you. Yeah.

So let’s call this where we’re trying to get accomplished. But it’s a blind spot, because we don’t know whether we’re the ones that chose that or not. Now, —

And I definitely fell into the I’m doing this because it’s safe, not because it’s what I really want to be doing.

Right.

For many, many years.

Right? Well, and we all do. We make decisions out of our circumstances. We make decisions based upon what we’ve lived through what we’ve experienced what we think is possible for us, not what we’re dreaming, but not what we’re doing.

But let’s call this just so that we have some sort of diagr am. Let’s call this that point. Right.

Then two? Well, number two is kind of currently our right. Yeah. See? Well, let me let me explain. So where we think we’re starting is right here. Right? We think we’re starting here. And we think that we want to go to here. Okay.

But this is blind spot number one, which may or may not be true. Right? What I mean is that we may or may not have consciously chosen out of vision, where what our goal is, and what we’re looking to accomplish. And it may be this, more than likely, it’s greatly limited.

But let’s just say that it is where the second blind spot comes in is where we think we are. And where we believe that we are based on our beliefs, is probably not where we actually are. So the second blind spot is in between is recognizing that blind spot number two, is that where we think we’re starting from in terms of that I spell that right? Where did my dyslexia kick in? I before E, except after C. Okay, cool.

And lies and science.

Okay, so, what’s what’s happened is that we’ve got the second blind spot is that we think, reality is that we’re right here, and that we just need to bridge the gap to where we want to go right here.

When in reality, it looks a whole lot different. Okay. And this is not good or bad. It’s just objectively where we are.

So if we bring it down to this diagram that’s pre drawn. Where we get stuck is if we’ve got blind spot number one, which is a subjective set of perceived goals or perceived achievements that we want to that we the life that we want to live that it’s subjective because it’s based upon our unconscious conditioning. It’s based upon our past. And we’re unaware that we’re making those decisions necessarily, based upon our past.

Now, of course, those come with their own set of problems and challenges and different things that we want to bridge, taking us from the same thing as subjective current situation or perception of where we are currently, versus a subjective perception of where it is that we want to go, well, then bridging the gap between the two, we know that there’s certain things that we’ve got to do we know that there’s certain challenges, we know that there’s certain things that we need to learn that we don’t know and all of those things.

And really, what we’ve been living with our entire life is plus or minus the status quo, which is some point in the middle, sometimes it’s closer to this side, sometimes we get there. And we’ve had tastes of of the success that we want to have, right?

But then what ends up happening is we bring the third, or the second rather, the second blind spot, which is this one right here, where the subjective situation, where we start to realize that the unknown unknowns or the actual objective situation has been misdiagnosed compared to what we think is going on.

So the blind spot number two, is in between here. It’s the gap in there, right? It’s the gap between here and here. So and the reason why this is a blind spot, and an important one to recognize and to make the unconscious conscious in this area is because what we think are the issues that we need to tackle that we need to figure out, probably aren’t, because we’re at a totally different spot.

And we need to, we may need to figure out some of them. But chances are that we’re going to then move on to the last one, the potential. Our Bold Molder goals are the one the blind spot that I love so much, because so much more is possible that we don’t even know that we don’t know, is possible for us.

And so if we are setting out to figure out how to bridge the gap instead of trying to stay within plus or minus of the status quo in there. What if we did this? And what if we selected goals based upon our vision? What if we lived out of that vision? And what if we could set those goals? And what if we then set out to overcome the challenges, the obstacles that are in between where we truly are, and where we really want to get to what would be fulfilling what would be a meaningful life for us, and making the impact that we want to make and doing the things that we want to do living with the people that we want to live with supporting them, giving them the the life that we know that we’ve been meant for the higher calling, that is what we’re supposed to be doing instead of denying that? Right?

And I’d already had that moment of that looks like a lot of work. But is it actually any more work than bouncing back and forth between one and two and never really getting anywhere? And you know, …

I mean, would you rather just do this and feel pissed off and frustrated and live in this zone all the time? Or rather methodically bridge the gap between this and this? Or?

So the real work to be done, of course, is bridging the gap. But it’s a fun gap to bridge right? We were talking about this on the first episode, which is the mountain that you’d be okay, dying on if you don’t hit the summit, because it’s so much fun. Climbing it, it’s so fulfilling. So meaningful.

Doesn’t mean that it’s not hard doesn’t mean that you don’t have to work at it, because you do. But the act of doing it fills you with that enthusiasm fills you with the courage and the confidence, even though yes, you get drained. And yes, it’s never going to be a straight line, it’s going to be a zigzag, a tic tac line to get there.

However, now you’re doing it in a meaningful way. And you’re not going to be like me, where you’re miserable every step of the way where you’re looking for it to fix you. Instead, what you’re doing is you’re enjoying the moment and cliche though it may be it’s you’re smelling the roses along the way of the journey and you’re actually enjoying the journey.

Yes, your goal is to reach some sort of achievement, some sort of destination that you’ve set for yourself. And you’ll get there and inevitably, it’ll look different than you thought it was going to look. But also, at least my experience has been that it’s always better than I thought it was going to be.

The achievements the goals, the where I see the possibilities in bridging this gap. In going from here in doing the work and doing the the energy and tic tacing, it actually ends up being faster

Because I, I’m miserable. And I’m doing this, and I’m doing this, and I’m doing this. And I’ve already spent 25-30 years doing that. And when I get there, and when I taste it bouncing back, and that snap back loop, snap back loop, snap back loop. Okay.

But let’s say that I mean, this is, this gives a, you know, this is kind of a misnomer, because it implies a straight line. And really what it is, is it’s a zigzag in it. And sometimes it looks like this. And sometimes it looks like this. And sometimes it looks like this, but eventually you get there, right.

And so this is actually a much faster route, because you’re actually bridging the gap in between where you actually are, and where it is that you bigger vision that you want to get to.

And so the act of doing that is actually fulfilling because you’re making progress, and it feels good, you feel fulfilled, and you know that you’re getting closer, some days is closer than others. Some days, you might take a step back, but you’re never taking you’re never going back to this pattern right here. Of all that rigmarole inside your your previous status quo zone. Does that make sense?

Yeah, yeah. I’m still stuck on it sounds like a lot of work. But you know what, the more we unpack that for myself, the more I go “I get bored.” If it’s too easy, like if it really was just all the steps. “Squirrel!” I’m not following the steps.

I promise you, you just said squirrel, I promise you that the squirrel is working a million times harder than the person going along the way and just tick tacking and working this way. I think the challenge where we think it’s going to be heavy, where we think it’s a lot of work is when we and let me just do my best to eliminate a bunch of this stuff all at once. So I can clear it up.

I think the challenge is when we’re fighting with ourselves about this point right here, going from this to this. And then seeing well wait a minute, I’m selling out on myself, if I only go here, which by the way, if that’s all you start with to start with, that’s fine. But just make sure that you you bridging from where you actually our to where it is that you want to get to. And as you as you tic tac, you’ll see new possibilities, new horizons.

But just getting back to what I was saying earlier, is that I think the big challenge for people is they chosen to say that this part right here says something about me that it means that I’m a failure, or it means that I’m not as smart as the world thinks I am or that I think I am. It’s it’s it doesn’t live up to how I want to trick myself into believing that I am this person, when in reality, it says nothing about you as a person, it says nothing about you as an individual.

Your past is your past, it’s just something that happened. It only has value, only says something about you, if you allow it to define you, if it becomes a part of your identity. Because it’s a story or a script that you’ve written for yourself that you’ve chosen to embrace and believe is true.

So if there’s resistance, going from here to here, where now you’re saying, Well, it’s a lot of work, it’s heavy. It’s usually for me, at least, I’ll speak responsibly for myself. When I’ve challenged this when I don’t want to look at this, it’s because … And when I when I want to procrastinate when I want to hide out in, you know, the status quo some more, or, you know, look at my past successes and brag about that, as opposed to where am I right now. It’s because this feels like it says something about me.

And now if I look like if I look at it, it’s going to be painful. It’s going to be it’s I’m going to feel shame, I’m going to feel guilt, I’m going to feel like a loser. If I look at that, when in reality, all of that stuff is a mental conversation or what I call Fred stories that are running my show and it’s part of that Jung quote of “until you make the unconscious conscious. It will direct your life and you’ll call it fate.”

Well, all of this is completely made up and that’s where the friction lives, that’s where the resistance lives — is fighting with this, fighting with it instead of just allowing it to be what it is.

Because if you look at this and say, objectively, and access your objective observer and say, look, it just is the situation. It doesn’t say anything about me unless I allow it to unless I say it does, unless I get upset about it unless I have it mean something. Well, if I have it means something about me, it has to be based upon my past.

Because if I get upset about it, and it’s not based on my past, how would I know? How would I have anything to compare it to? I don’t know what that means, unless I define it for myself. So I’ve made up those rules that say that this is what it is, and whatever. So —

Made them up or taken on other people’s made up rules.

Yes. Yes, for sure. And that’s a big bigger part of the issue is, is that it’s, at first, it’s easy to take responsibility, I made them up. But in reality, that’s the first step to see that part of making them up is that I allowed somebody else’s rules to be adopted, when I didn’t have any choice in the matter.

Now, if you want to, if you want to be pissed about that, go ahead and be pissed about it. Just don’t dwell there. You know what I mean, your energy? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, like, yeah, I didn’t choose it. Great. Now that I see that I can choose something different. Cool. You know what I mean?

Like, get pissed for a minute, because that feels better than feeling depressed, it feels better than feeling overwhelmed. It feels better than feeling powerless or helpless. Getting pissed off implies that, oh, I can do something about it now. Like, the reason I’m pissed is because I see something is possible that I no longer I’m not living it yet. But it’s possible to be living it and the reason why I’m angry or upset is because I’m not living it yet. That’s a whole different ballgame, then what’s the use? being apathetic or, you know, like, like,

Or just hiding it at number one, saying, you know, I’m gonna, I’m okay with these lies. I’m just gonna stay here. In this little case,

I’m happy. I may not be rich, but at least I’m what? Happier, right? As if you can’t have both, you know? And that’s a very common thing.

And where we start arguing for both our current perception of limitations and our current perception of what’s possible for us, I guess it’s just my lot in life. I guess I just have to, you know, people like me, people like us, we just, we’re just stuck here. You know, we’re not meant to do big things. We’re bullshit. But that’s what we, we get stuck in that, that realm.

And I think that anyone who’s this far into any of her videos is already going, you know, I’m not okay with that. Like, there is something niggling them saying, no, no, no, no, that’s not cool. I’m not happy that I’m stuck there. And rather than just staying in the armchair in the cave, going, No, I’m gonna I’m gonna put that energy of being upset of being unhappy with the situation dissatisfied, whatever it is, into the tank and start driving rather than just sitting here and accepting this and rolling over and 20 years has gone by so.

Yeah, and I mean, let’s face it that, I believe is what the pandemic has done for us, right, is that it’s put that front and center so that we can say that we’re okay there. But we’re really not.

And that’s, that’s where that tension comes from, is, you know, whether it’s consciously what was the term niggling at us, niggling niggling at us or not? It if you’re frustrated, dissatisfied, feeling like your your life is not where you want it to be, then I promise you, you’re dealing with one or more of the tension between these blind spots that this is the root cause of all of that, I promise you that that’s what’s going on. We just have to get it down to more fine tuned and specific, individualized, personalized to us specifically.

So that it’s not just common. You know, it’s not just generalized understanding. And that’s a good place to put a plug for your 28 page report called The Post Pandemic Abundance Playbook. Because it’s how you can start to customize this for yourself and start to live this on a daily basis so that you don’t have to be fearful of you know, looking at what’s these blind spots, because it’s not going to hurt you you’re not going to bleed you’re not in in in fact, you’re going to find relief in looking At the blind spots, reveals hobby it feels threatening, right?

Yeah, yeah. It’s … Going into that is kind of scary. Like, I mean, I’ve had the 15 plus years of NLP background. So I’ve got a lot of tools and it still sometimes sneaks up on me like, Ah, I don’t have to do the work. I don’t want to do the work. Fine, let’s do the work because it’ll be so much better on the other side.

Well, but that’s your way of making the unconscious conscious when you say, Do I have to do the work, I don’t want to do the work, you’re acknowledging that you don’t want to do it. But now you’re saying Oh, and then once you get over yourself, then you do it. Now I think that there’s some ways that would serve you to not play that game with yourself so that you can just be happy doing what you’re doing. And it doesn’t feel like work doesn’t feel heavy, it doesn’t feel like this big ordeal. But that’s not for me to say, because that’s not my my goals. It’s it’s your goals.

And I’ve gotten definitely better at it. It’s funny, because I’m like, is that how I live? Well, there’s some part of me because it came up as an example. But I don’t know how familiar that is.

I mean, I used to. I remember, as a teenager, had to dig a post hole and it took all friggin’ day. And you know, after I got married, I’m like, oh, man, this this digging a post holder, put it in a new mailbox, it’s gonna take forever. An hour later. I’m like, What was I doing as a teenager that took all day? Seriously? What is up with that? I spent more time moping about having to do it than just doing it.

Yeah, it’s, let’s say it’s the turn the coward dies, 1000 deaths or something. Because you’re, you’re just so worried about it that, you know, half the stuff that you worry about isn’t ever going to happen. The other half of it is stuff that you can’t do anything about anyway. And while there’s like a little sliver of stuff that you can do something about. So there’s no point in worrying about it, because you can do something about it, you can fix it, you know, but it’s acknowledging that that that is the shortcut.

Yeah. And I think that’s probably the takeaway for today, the action item is, notice where those things are happening, right? I mean, we both talked about how we’ve shortened the speed at which, oh, this thing came up. Okay, let me get rid of it. If they still come up, even with all the tools in place, it’s just how fast do we respond to them? How early do we cut them off?

Yeah, that’s a great, I’m glad you said that. Because I used to talk about this a lot. When when you first start this, go into memory, you know, pull up a memory of something where it happened. Because it’s, it’s really hard, until you get the hang of this, to do it in the moment.

But what you’ll find is that when you you can do it in memory, and you can call up an experience. And look at it in the experience when you had a reaction that was less than stellar than you that — or just different than you wanted it to be. And you look at it in reverse.

And what you’ll find is that it will start to collapse timeframes, that you’ll get closer and closer to being able to acknowledge what’s going on and see your unconscious reactions in the moment. You know, it becomes closer to the actual time. But in the beginning, so what if it’s five years ago, or or a month ago or whatever, it doesn’t matter? Because it’s still — you’re still experiencing it now. And it’s still affecting you now.

So it’s, you’ll get the same benefit. And the more you get practice with it, and just seeing it and just looking at and saying, Oh, wow, those were rules that I was upholding, because somebody else inflicted them on me whether it was myself or whatever. But I didn’t see it. But now I see it. Oh, wow.

And the more that you can acknowledge that the easier it will get to being able to see it in the moment. Or closer to the moment, where you don’t spend as much time in the chaos of the zigzag and the mud, the blood and the flood of the yuck.

And then once you’ve worked through some of the past experiences you and you have a better idea of what you think you want moving forward, you can future pace, you can say hey, when’s the next time I’m likely to run into this? Let’s mentally play through that. And notice, you know, because it’s not in actually in the moment, you’re making the whole thing up, but you get that chance to say “oh, hey, look what’s coming up as this plays out.” “Okay, that’s not really helpful.” Rewind. What if —

I call that I call the shifting from what you call future pacing. I call it shifting from if then contingencies to when-then when this happens. So now I’m in charge when this situation happens, then my rule my new rule is going to be this so now when that triggered happens, the win. So now I’m getting to decide what what my conscious reaction is going to be at that point. But same thing as the future pacing.

Yeah. And I find both of those exercises looking at the past and, you know, the when-then future pacing approach helped narrow that gap like, okay, neither of you have to dig your well. But while you’re before you’re thirsty, while you’re not thirsty before you’re thirsty. Yeah.

Because if you do the work offline, then it makes it much easier to happen in the moment, like, every time that you run this, that it’s not actually happening. Even if it was like, Oh, wait, we had that just had that conversation, I finally got the, you know, fight or flight flushed out of my system. Let me unpack what just happened. Hey, it’s much narrower. It’s not five years ago, it’s an hour or two ago, right?

Yeah. And before like, five years ago, I didn’t even recognize that it was fight or flight. I didn’t. It was just like, oh, this was a certain set of circumstances that required me to exit from this scenario, because blah, blah, blah, happened.

Stories

… you know, yeah, whatever. But now I see oh, wait a minute. That was a story. It was a limiting beliefs and, and unconscious conditioning that I had no clue was running me.

And now that I see that, it doesn’t mean that I’m completely fixed. And I don’t ever do it again. But it gives me more relief, more freedom, more breathing room, to then see deeper. And eventually, you’ll get rid of big big chunks, because (like we’ve talked about in the previous episode) how you do one thing is how you do everything. And what shows up in one area shows up in all the areas in terms of the fractal fractal illness, which is great, because if you just make a small bit of progress in one area, it the the spillover effects are great in all areas of your life.

And I think that’s a great note to send people off to do some work.

Good. Well, if you want the direct link, you can look in the description below. And also, if you just want to type in to PostPandemicAbundance.com that will take you directly to Wayne’s report. It’s on Gumroad and it’s a 28 page report that you can download and play along sort of speak with us. And on that note!

I noticed that gentleness

We’ve gotten much better…

No concussions for you!